Why curiosity is the one thing that changes your relationship with food.

I don't see anyone else talking about this. And I genuinely don't know why.

Because in all my years of coaching women through their relationship with food, this is the one thing that is missing.

Not a meal plan. Not a food diary. Not another rule to add to the pile.

Curiosity.

Stick with me.

When something happens around food, a craving, a pattern, a moment where you've done the thing you said you wouldn't do, most of us see it through the same lens.

Shame.

"I shouldn't be doing this." 

"Why can't I just stop?" 

"I should know better by now."

And here's the thing about shame - it doesn't give you any information. 

It just keeps you stuck in the same loop, going round and round, wondering why nothing ever changes.

Brene Brown is the master of shame - I recommended ANY book by her.

Curiosity does something completely different.

Instead of I shouldn't be feeling this, it's what's actually going on for me right now?

I had a client who ate her children' s leftovers every single evening. She knew she did it.

She hated that she did it. She came to me convinced it was a willpower problem.

When we looked at it with curious eyes, properly looked, without judgement - the picture became really clear, really quickly.

She was feeding the kids before she fed herself, so she was already physically hungry.

She'd grown up in a household where wasting food felt genuinely wrong, where money was tight and you ate what was on your plate. So the leftover fish fingers sitting there felt impossible to bin. And layered on top of all of that, she was picking at their plates almost on autopilot, before she'd even noticed she was doing it.

Was that a character flaw? Was that a lack of willpower?

No. It was a completely understandable response to a whole load of things that had stacked up on top of each other.

Once she could see that — really see it — we changed it. 

Not because I told her what to do. 

Because she finally understood what was going on.

Another client who worked from home most of the time but had to go into the office every so often. She always ended up starving, eating her lunch by half ten, hitting the vending machine on the way home, and feeling rubbish about herself.

Again,  we looked at it with curiosity. What was actually going on?

The commute was longer, so her energy needs were higher. She didn't really want to be there, so there was already a low-level resistance before she'd even arrived. And she was anxious about being judged for what she ate, so she'd underpack and then be starving by mid-morning.

It all made sense. Every single bit of it.

She goes into the office now and it's not a big deal. Because she understands herself.

Here's what I want you to take from this.

Cravings are information. 

Patterns are information. 

The thing you keep doing that you wish you could stop, that's information too.

It's your mind and your body trying to tell you something. And when you can get curious about what that something is, when you can look at yourself with kindness and a genuine "hm, what's going on here?"  you can actually do something with it.

You stop fighting yourself. 

You start understanding yourself.

And that's when things genuinely change. Not because you're white-knuckling it. But because you finally have the information you need to make a different choice.

Next time something comes up around food, a craving, a habit, a moment where you've done the thing pause.

Just for a second.

And instead of going straight to shame, try this -

What's actually going on for me right now?

Have I eaten enough today? Am I tired? Am I stressed? Am I bored? Am I avoiding something?

You don't have to have all the answers straight away. 

You just have to be willing to ask the question.

That's the start.

If you want to hear more about this, I talked about it in detail on the latest episode of Chatting with Cara. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts or follow this link.

And if you want to do this work properly, with someone in your corner, asking the right questions, book a free consultation call with me.

No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a proper chat about where you are and where you want to be.

Book in here.