Why buffets feel out of control (and what to do about it)

We're going to an all you can eat Italian buffet this Wednesday night at The Castle in Wem.

It was Sue's 70th birthday a couple of weeks ago and she loves food. She loves her family being around her. She wanted to go out for a nice Italian and celebrate.

Simple as that.

Except, for a lot of the women I work with, it really isn't that simple.

A buffet isn't just a buffet.

It's the skipping lunch beforehand.

It's the "I'll only have one plate" deal you make with yourself on the way there.

It's the Diet Coke instead of wine because you're already "being bad" with the food.

It's the guilt that kicks in before you've even picked up a fork.

Sound familiar? I thought so.

I'm doing something I've never done in 90 episodes of Chatting with Cara. A two-parter.

Because this topic deserves space.

In part one, I recorded before the meal. I walked you through exactly how I approach a situation like this. The thinking I do. The tools I use. And why having a genuinely enjoyable buffet starts way before you arrive.

Because it does.

It starts with your language.

Naughty. Bad. Blowout. Cheat meal. Getting back on track. I deserve this.

I'm not using any of those words. And I want you to start noticing when you do. Because the language you use around food shapes your behaviour before you've even sat down. A relaxed meal out starts with relaxed language around it.

It's also your all or nothing thinking.

You know this one.

You set yourself a rule. One plate. No dessert. Only the protein. And then the garlic bread arrives, and the rule goes out the window, and then the all or nothing brain kicks in. "I've already had two plates, may as well have the lot, start again Monday."

That is not a lack of willpower. That is what restriction does to your brain. We like the grey at Coaching with Cara. All 50 shades of it.

Then there's unconditional permission to eat.

Those little bargains - I won't have lunch, I'll save room, I'll go for a run tomorrow, that's called conditional permission. 

And it is the conditional permission that causes the overeating, not the buffet.

When something is truly, genuinely available to you, the urgency fades. That is one of the core principles of Intuitive Eating and it is absolutely life changing when you get there.

I know what you're thinking. "But Cara, if I give myself permission to eat everything, I will eat everything."

You won't. You only want to do that because food has been restricted, labelled as bad, tied to guilt for so long. When the restriction goes, the urgency follows. Trust me on this.

And the hunger and fullness scale.

This is the tool I used at the table on Wednesday. Not to restrict. Not to set a rule. Just to have some information.

A simple number between one and ten. How hungry am I right now?

When you have ten options instead of two (hungry or not hungry), you can make a decision based on your body rather than a rule someone else gave you. And when you truly listen to those signals, you know when to stop. Not because a timer went off. Because your body told you.

And finally and this one surprises people, people pleasing.

If you were told to clear your plate as a child, or that there are starving children in Africa, or that you can't waste food that's been paid for, that is deep in your belief system. 

And it shows up at buffets.

Clearing your plate when you're full because it's been paid for. Having more because someone else at the table is. Feeling like you can't say no to something that's right there in front of you.

Your fullness doesn't care what anyone else is doing.

Part two is coming. I'll tell you what was on the menu, what I actually ate, and how all of this played out in real life at a Wednesday night Italian buffet in Wem with the family.

Because I want you to see that this is possible.

A meal out that is just a meal out. Enjoyable. Unremarkable. Something you don't have to think about for the rest of the week.

That is what a healthy relationship with food actually looks like. And it is completely possible for you.

Listen to part one of Chatting with Cara wherever you get your podcasts here.