Seeing your vag again - how to feel stronger, lighter and more like yourself without the misery

I came across a post this week that stopped me in my tracks.

A Welsh food and travel blogger called Llio Angarad posted: "I want to see my vag again."

Now, I'll be honest with you - I follow her because her Instagram is gorgeous. Beautiful photos of restaurants, incredible food, stunning places in Wales. She's got that whole aesthetic down to an art form that makes my sports science degree feel very...practical.

But this post was different.

She wants to feel stronger, lighter, more like herself without giving up joy.

And as a coach, I read through it and thought - I know exactly how to help her.

So if you're sitting there thinking "actually, I love my body, I love food, I don't want to be miserable, I don't want to diet" but you're feeling a bit stuck - this is for you.

The all or nothing trap

Here's what jumped out at me straight away.

Lilo has a black and white mindset. All or nothing. And it's SO common.

On one side, she romanticises food beautifully. The whispa on the sofa watching Corrie. The quick coffee that turns into cake and a life debrief with a mate. Looking at the menu before you've even left the house. That slow-motion moment when the waiter brings your food over.

In her words, "Romance isn't dead, it's holding a plate."

She LOVES food. She loves everything about it.

And then on the other side, she thinks what she needs to do is sad salads and punishment workouts.

Eating miserable.

She doesn't want that.

And who would?

If those were your only two options, you wouldn't choose sad salads and punishment workouts either.

But here's the thing - there's a way through this that doesn't require giving up the whispa on the sofa, the coffee and cake with friends or the restaurant experiences.

She needs to live in the grey area.

What I'd do as her coach

If Llioo came to me, here's exactly what we'd work on -

Look at your values

First thing I do with all my clients is get them to look at their values. The things that are truly important to them.

And I can't tell you what your values are because they're personal and they're often surprising.

There's usually one that's a bit left field, one you haven't really thought about before.

But once you start living in alignment with your values, everything shifts. You feel more like yourself than you ever have.

For Llio, it sounds like she loves food, but she also loves connection.

She loves the theatre of dining.

So what is it really?

Does she love spending time with friends? Does she love the ritual of a restaurant with her partner because they don't see each other often? Does she simply love a good chat?

Understanding your values is transformational because when you know what truly matters, you can make decisions that honour those values without feeling like you're sacrificing anything.

Change your language around food

As a writer and foodie, Llio would get this immediately - the language you use about food shapes how you experience it.

If you tell yourself you love food, that the whispa on the sofa with Corrie is sacred, it's going to be incredibly hard to give that up.

So I'd work with her to choose her language around food differently.

No more "sweet treats," no more "naughty foods," no more moral judgments attached to eating.

This might sound like a small thing but it creates massive shifts.

When my clients do this work, they have light bulb moments.

They notice how often they assign emotion and morality to food. They start hearing it in other people too.

And then their behaviour changes.

Their thinking changes.

Once you change how you think, everything becomes easier because you're not constantly battling yourself.

The food noise quiets down.

Find movement you actually enjoy

In Llio's words, her idea of the gym is hell. "Sweating with strangers feels like a crime, not a hobby."

Personally, I quite like sweating with strangers, but she obviously doesn't.

So I'd help her find some form of exercise she actually enjoys.

This might mean trying different things. Pilates with a teacher who doesn't subscribe to diet culture. A Couch to 5K running club. A local swimming group. A walking club. Pole dancing. There'll be some trial and error, but we'd keep exploring until something clicks.

And when it clicks, it's magic.

You want to do more of it.

You change your habits.

You become a person who exercises regularly.

And when you're a person who exercises regularly, you naturally make healthier choices.

You sleep better. You move more. You eat foods that fuel your body.

It all becomes easier.

The key is to explore with curiosity and an open mind. Some things land for people, some don't.

The point is to find your thing.

Sort out your emotional eating

The last piece I'd explore with Llio is the emotional aspect of eating.

I'd look at what food is giving her. What does it feel like when she has food? And how can we get those feelings from other sources?

For instance, if connection is what she's really seeking - that's an antidote to loneliness, to stress, to certain difficult emotions. So when she's going for coffee and cake with a friend, is it actually the coffee and cake that's helping, or is it the talking to a friend?

Is her life so busy and stressful that going out for a meal with her partner is the only bit of respite she gets?

I'd look at how she regulates her emotions day to day. What is she feeling? How is she managing those feelings?

And then we'd work on regulating emotions without using food or drink as the primary tool.

This is a real game changer for people who love food.

Let me give you an example from my own life.

I go out regularly with my school friends. We love nice restaurants - House of the Rising Sun in Shrewsbury is a favourite.

And I can guarantee the waiter will come over three or four times asking for our order before we actually choose. We get so caught up in chatting that we forget to look at the menu. Eventually we have to go silent and focus just to decide.

The food, beautiful as it is, is always secondary.

It's about spending time with friends. Catching up, reminiscing, being around people who just get you, who have known you for 20 plus years.

That's the great bit. The food facilitates it. It's not the thing itself.

This is what I explore in coaching. What is the purpose of going to certain places? What do you want to feel afterward?

People start thinking differently. They make informed decisions based on what they're really there for.

They make choices that align with their goals while also making them happier.

There's a different way

If I worked with Llio, she'd do really well. She'd feel stronger, lighter, and more like herself.

She wouldn't have to give up joy.

There'd be no misery, no punishment.

I wouldn't ask her to count a single calorie.

Because diet culture is in full swing right now.

The noise about losing weight, skinny talk, weight loss jabs - it's all loud.

But there's a different way.

The different way is what I do in coaching. I give you the information, the tools, and the strategies so you can make informed decisions in the moment. You feel confident. You feel safe. You feel like you're making the best decisions for yourself.

And that's really powerful.

Because when you do that, you start to feel stronger, lighter, and more like yourself.

Llio wrote something I absolutely love - she says she loves her body, but she'd like to be on "nodding terms" with it.

What a perfect way to put it.

Would you like to be on nodding terms with your body?

If the answer is yes, send me a message on Instagram at @coachingwithcara saying "Coaching" and I'll show you your bespoke plan for how to feel stronger, lighter and more like yourself in 2026.

Without the misery.

Without the sad salads.

Without giving up the things you love.

Listen to this week's episode of Chatting with Cara where I talk through all of this in more detail here.